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Tag Archives: digg

Digg Front Page

Digg has grown over the last couple years from a small community of tech enthusiasts sharing nerdy news to a huge internet powerhouse, which has turned the tide of the US democratic primaries, taken down a cult, and made news left and right, spawning several copycat sites. But despite being arguably the most mainstream site of its kind, it still is not free of the countless horrors that spawn in the seedy underbelly of the net. Today, we take you on a virtual safari to show you some of the worst species in the digg community.

7.The Powerusers (Diggitus Eliteus)

Top 100 Diggers

Threat Level: 4

These are the most prominent nuisances on Digg, but perhaps the most harmless. In fact, they tend to be fairly beneficial to the community on a whole, but don’t be fooled. They are still a problem. They find articles and submit them, just like your average user, but the difference is that these articles will make it to the front page with little to no effort, while average users are forced to spend hours promoting their submissions, begging anyone and everyone for that one little digg to get them to the front page. They are the alpha-males of the digg herd, and for those beta- to omega-males, this can be quite a frustration.

Feeds on: The devotion of their hordes of fans, and the souls of the damned.

6. Refreshers (Diggitus Obsessi)

Cracked and XKCD

Threat Level: 4

Of a slight relation to the Powerusers, these users can be found refreshing XKCD.com and Cracked.com relentlessly at midnight, hoping to be the first to submit an article which will inevitably make it to the front page and getting that tiny taste of fame. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, you’ll see a thousand identical submissions from these automatons. Odds are, they’ll make it to the front page once or twice in their short lifetimes, milk it for everything it’s worth, and then die a slow peaceful death, forgotten like so many one-hit wonders.

Feeds on: Short fleeting moments of pseudo-fame, and cheap frozen dinners.

5. The “Old” Police (Diggitus Geezerus)

Old People Comment

Threat Level: 5

These are seen everywhere, disguised as regular users, until somebody submits something that the user saw a year or so ago. Then they will pop out of their hobbit-holes to comment-blast the submission with claims that their submission is ‘old as the internet’, or that it was submitted 2 years ago to digg when nobody actually saw it. They seem to suffer from delusions, thinking that if they’ve seen something, everyone else must have seen it as well. Most often, they complain that things are old only because they are mad at themselves for not thinking to submit it earlier.

Feeds on: Their own inability to comprehend that not everyone has been on the internet since the early 90’s.

4. The Article Snobs (Diggitus Notgonnadiggit)

Snobby Comments

Threat Level: 7

The Article Snobs come in many forms. They could be seen bitching and moaning that an article was put on two pages to help increase much-needed ad revenue, or whining about how horrible the Daily Mail is, but only after reluctantly and hypocritically digging it, favoriting it, and shouting it to all their friends, so that their spiteful little comments can get seen by more people. They can easily be spotted by their big, sharp, pointy teeth, and refusal to digg this article, because “who cares about some guy’s blog?”

Feeds on: High-end ramen noodles and pure, raw hatred.

3. Obama Lovers and Hillary Haters (Diggitus Changeusa)

Obama Wankers

Threat Level: 8

These are everywhere now, slowly spreading like some kind of political plague. One cannot look at the front page without at least 10 articles either claiming Obama’s godliness or (ironically) belittling Clinton’s belittling attitude. They are a mutation of the regular user (Who simply likes Obama, not loves), designed to stop at nothing to make sure that everyone knows that Obama is the best thing since Chuck Norris. We get it, you think Obama should be president. Now shut up about it until it comes time to vote. They will digg up any and all articles with a positive light on Obama, then comment the same old stale comments that America needs change, or that Hillary is a bitch. (Which are true, but seriously, STFU already.)

Feeds on: Political articles and pseudo-intellectual debate.

2. The 4chan Rejects (Diggitus Anonymus)

4chan logo

Threat level: OVER 9000!!!!!

CAUTION. If you spot this breed of digger, don’t make any sudden movements, and slowly make your way to the nearest adult. 4chan Rejects can be hazardous to your health.

This is a species becoming more and more common by the day. They are the cancer that’s killing digg, taking it over with LOLcats and demotivational posters. These crude beasts are spewed forth from the asshole of the net, /b/, prepared to regurgitate memes left and right until they become funny, and turn more decent human beings into more mudkip-lieking, facepalming, pedobear-posting abominations. They’re like zombies or vampires, but exponentially less cool. Luckily for you, they’re easy to identify. Just follow the trail of Captain Picards and O RLY? owls until you find someone wearing a Guy Fawkes mask, then block their ass from here to eternity.

NOMS ON: Stale memes, delicious copypasta, and tears of fallen angels.

1. The Flaming Complainers (Diggitus Getthefuckouticus)

GARRRGH IM A BABY

Threat Level: 10

These are by far the most annoying people ever to grace the vast plains (and tubes) of the internet. They will complain about any of the other top 7, and even complain about their own kind. Some of the most annoying ones can be found making ‘Top 7’ lists declaring their hatred of other diggers. The more mild sub-species are usually caught commenting about how they think MrBabyMan should quit digg, or moaning about the current political domination of Digg. Several of them will simply just yell at everyone on digg because it’s far to strenuous to find a reason to yell at someone.

Feeds on: The pain and suffering of others.

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