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Like oh-so-many of the gamers in this day and age, I decided to try World of Warcraft some time after the hype kicked in.  I was immediately captivated.  I still remember that first time, as a night elf rogue, listening to that speil about the “catastrophic invasion of the burning legion”, then venturing out into the lush forests of Teldrassil with absolutely no clue what I was doing.  I died several times in the first hour, usually from jumping off the giant seaborne tree.  It was magical.

I continued through the game, scrounging every penny I could just to pay for one more month of gameplay…Then, after quitting and rejoining, I got my first 70-A Resto druid named Alvanas.  And life was happy for a time.  Until circumstances forced me out of a job, and I had no choice but to quit.

While lack of money was the motivation for the dropping of this drug, I must admit that after a bit of time, I realized what I thought was unthinkable.  I was actually happier now that I had quit.  It sounds crazy, I know, but I have my reasons.  For instance…

7. Noobs

We all have had to deal with these creatures at some point I’m sure.  These aren’t just people who are new to the game, those are at least tolerable, since we’ve all been there at some point.  What I’m talking about are the moron priests who join a party to go into Deadmines, refuse to heal, die three times, ninja every item, then admit that their mom is calling them for dinner and that they have to go in a couple minutes (Rejoicing ensues amongst other party members.)  These players need to die.

Now, I’m willing to be sympathetic if you have a schedule, even if it i your (*snigger*) Mom who arranges it.  I was 12 once too.  But waiting until there’s three minutes left before you have to go is very uncool.  Also, if you rolled a priest, you better damn well expect to be a healer early on.  Did you honestly expect a class based off a religious figurehead title to be much of a fighting type?  As for ninjaing, you can only click “Need” accidentally so much before I lose it.  Go read the fucking manual before you play the damn game.  You only had days worth of download and install time to read it before you played.

6. Barrens/Trade Chat

Let me tell you about a little game that was played on my server.  We called it “Dragonheart Flameshield”.  The idea of the game is that players go into chat, and spout various memes, pop culture references, movie/music quotes, etc., but replace various key words with a link to an item called “Dragonheart Flameshield”.  A classic example would be “All Your Dragonheart Flameshield Are Belong To Us”.  Yeah, I don’t get it either, but to each his own.  The problem with the “game” was that it was played in trade chat, since item links didn’t work many other places.  And thus game became spam.

Trade chat (And formerly, Barrens chat) was notorious for being so spammy that it drove everyone else crazy.  And I’ll be the first to admit that I did contribute to that spam without thinking from time to time.  Conversations simply had a tendency to flock to trade chat, since it spanned over five cities on each side (Including the burning crusade, that is.)  Without anything more widely social, Trade chat lost its purpose in the name of chatter.  But I don’t really blame the players for this.  I blame the developers.  All they had to do was create a global social chat for each side, and everyone would have been happy.  And I have no clue why they didn’t want to do that, but it never did happen.

And for those of you who say “take it to private messages”, you know as well as I do how hard it is to hold down a multi-person conversation in replies.

5. Gnomes

If I heard that goddamned laugh one more fucking time, I swear to god I would have started slaying every midget I saw in real life.  And Gnomeregan did absolutely nothing to help matters.

4. Addiction

We’ve all heard the stories about the couple who played WoW so much that their child starved to death, or the silly jokes about WoW being a great birth control device.  And everyone who plays it insists that they can handle it.  And then, THEN, that’s when they play it and discover just how wrong they are.

I lost a girlfriend over WoW, and failed a class as well.  It’s such a huge time eater, that you’ll find yourself getting on in the morning to do a quick checkup on your auctions, only to spend the next ten hours trying to track down that one last Primal Might you need for that elusive armor which reportedly will make your character crap rainbows and burp flowers and bunnies.  There is no way to explain it.  It is literally so much fun that if somebody offered me a magical drug that gave me an orgasm every ten minutes for the rest of my life yet managed to keep the feeling from getting old, and all I would have to do is give up WoW, I’d have to turn him down because I just need a few more gold for my epic flying mount.

Do not underestimate its power.  I was lucky I ran out of money and was unableto play, or I would have lost a lot more than just a girlfriend and a grade.

3. Guilds

Now don’t get me wrong here.  People are great.  Friends especially.  And if I get on, I want to hang out and chat with friends.  But what I don’t like are the people who call themselves your ‘friends’ but really only want you to be their obedient little pet, and help them out with every little quest they have.  “Oh, but you’re such a high level, and I’m so low, can’t you give a newbie a little help?”  The problem is that if I help one of them, I have to help all of them when they ask for it.  And since each one of them takes about an hour to help with their little quest here, or instance there, it ends up taking my entire day just to help all these lovely ‘friends’ who never give you a goddamn thing in return.

And then there are the frat boy guilds.  I managed to end up in one of these, and it drove me crazy. They know how to play, and they do it well, but I really don’t find it that funny that you ‘teabag’ every boss you beat, then take a screenshot to post on the guild myspace page later amongst pictures of popped-collar loonies chugging with a beer bong.  You’re playing a role-playing game as a goddamn dwarf, and you honestly think you’re a badass?  I think you need to lay off the tequila.

2. The Power Gamers

I spent months getting my first toon to level 70.  I did the usual things, getting the quests, beating the instances, and if I came across something I couldn’t beat, I would go grind quests somewhere else until I leveled up a couple times, then went back and beat what was such a huge challenge a few days earlier.  I did all this expecting that when I hit 70, I’d be using the toon to PvP against other characters similar to my own in power and ability.

But apparently ‘playing’ isn’t in some players’ dictionaries.  Once I hit 70 and went into Karazhan with my first group, I found out that I was apparently some complete lunatic for not spending weeks of my life grinding honor in the battlegrounds just to get the best possible gear in the game.  I was kicked out of the group for being badly geared.

Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t WoW supposed to be a GAME?  And, this may sound crazy, but isn’t the object of a game to HAVE FUN?  If your definition of fun is trying to corral some 15 or so complete strangers in a match against a premade in Arathi Basin, you need to get your fucking head examined.  No matter how hard you try, everyone who gets in a non-premade AB will end up with a lot of low-levels, a lot of rogues who stealth the whole battle, a lot of healer-classes that don’t want to heal, and a lot of other people who will fight over battle strategy while the Horde takes the Stables AGAIN.

And since BGs are such a wonderfully annoying experience, I honestly don’t care that I’m giving up the best possible gear for my class at that level in exchange for my sanity.  You powerusers can all go rot in Alterac Valley for all I care.

1. Raid Dungeons

These were by far the most incredibly tedious, frustrating creations in the whole wide World of Warcraft.  Regular instanes were bad enough: Trying to find a healer or a tank would take hours, and the you’d always have the one person who leaves early (See: #7, Noobs), it was horrible, and if it weren’t for the gear, I never would have bothered.  Honestly, with all the waiting and stupidity, if all the enemies in Stratholm were jabbering at me in illegible accents, I might have confused it for the DMV.

And then, someone at Blizzard (Or Activision Blizzard, as they are now known) had the genius idea of taking these hellholes and supersizing them.  The group size was no longer something that you could arrange on the fly.  You were now required to SCHEDULE your excursions to WoW amongst other players, none of which would bother to show up at the scheduled time.  Then, the instances themselves were so insanely hard that you would have to plan every last movement of every last player.  So instead of being a fun cooperative strategic battle, it ended up with the party leader dictating everyone’s actions.  If anyone varied from these plans even in the slightest, it would probably do something stupid like pull the whole dungeon on you and your comrades, and then everyone dies and has a nice little walk in spirit form.

Once I actually got into Kara (I eventually buckled and got myself some gear by playing weeks on end in Alterac Valley, worst weeks of my life), My group constantly died, and usually not even because someone decided the plan wasn’t good for them.  It was usually because they would get disconnected, and the game has no mercy for less-than-perfect ISPs.  Eventually, I just said screw Kara altogether, and started a new toon to get back to the good old days, when WoW didn’t suck, and you could actually consider it a game instead of a second job.

2 Comments

  1. So you’re pretty bad, then?

  2. Good job on quitting, the part about it feeling like a job is so true. Fuck WoW.


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